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Monday, August 25th, 2003
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| Time: | 12:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  determined. |
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School is starting up again very soon. And looking back on it. I've found that it was a semi adequete chronicle of my freshmen year. But now, I think it's time to move on. So I'm going to get a new Live Journal. It's a new year, so a new beginning. So for all of you to know, my new username is ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) classic_glamour
Here's to a new beginning
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Sunday, August 24th, 2003
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that makes no sense, but that's why it's fun
that is really funny, because that is her in a nutshell
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| Time: | 11:15 pm. |
| Mood: |  loved. | | Music: | Me singing the little mermaid songs. |
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Ok, so first I'd like to give props to Erin for what she said in her LJ. She's right. And that's all I've got to say about. I was also sitting here thinking and I started wondering what the hell the point was about private lj entries. Then only you can read them. Isn't the lj logo like share your thoughts or something. I swear there are days when I'm reading my friends list and all I read is complaints on top of complaints. Over stupid stuff. Like, my hair is bad today. Get over it. So your hair is bad today, whatever put on a hat but don't expect sympathy. There are bigger problems other than the state of your hair. I mean just turn on the news. And for that matter, please stop starving yourself people. You make me worry about you. I don't want to have to worry about more than I have to. Anyway, you're hurting yourself.
Well aren't I the little hypocrite.
I got back from 'ret 'rets around like 7:20. It takes like no time to get to her house I swear. So anyway I had much fun. Much, much fun. I whipped Howie at mancala! WHOOOOOO go me. I am the shiznit. Hear me roar. But then I lost horribly when we played cards. Both times, so I guess there is justice in the world. Regretfully. Played 9 ball with Allie and Dan I actually can't remember who won. But it should be illegal to be as bad at pool as I can. We amused ourseves by trying to make the game as dirty as possible. Actually most of my conversations involved me traipsing around in the gutter in leather. *snort* You know, this has actually been a pretty bad month. So when I woke up this morning I wasn't exactly excited. I was more of someone shoot me. But when I got to ret rets I was bombared with a screaming Kelsie and it all got better form there. So this is no longer a bad month. It's a, "used to be a bad month but now is showing promise of ending on a high note" month.
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I'm ready to go to 'ret 'rets now. I don't have to leave for like another 1/2 hour. People have started coming for Jasmines birtthday party. God save me. So now I'm bored and have nothing to do. I'm nostalgic really. It'll be nice to see people again though. I've been living as a relative hermit recently. Refusing to go anywhere, just because I can.
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| Time: | 12:50 pm. |
| Mood: |  busy. |
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So I was long over due for some sort of facial mask/cleanser thing. I've got about one more week till school starts. I'm excited. Summer needs to come to an end and things need to start anew. So I'm looking forward to it.
I'm going over to ret rets in a couple hours. I woke up at 10:30 today which is like the earliest I've done since summer vacation started.
Well, I can't talk anymore. I've got to get out of my pajamas and comb my hair and make my bed before I leave.
Ohh and I'm putting my suns back. Deal with it Allie.
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| Time: | 1:27 am. |
| Mood: | creative. | | Music: | Dakota Moon//Lookin for a place to land. |
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I've got a completely new layout. See it here!
Resultingly I've got new icons, all of which based on the songs I was listening to while I was making this new layout.
( See Iconses Here )
I just realized that I'll probably have this layout when school starts.....
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Saturday, August 23rd, 2003
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sodofflooser
is happy. |
| You're a rosy-cheeked ray of f'ing sunshine 24/7. I bet you smile a lot and little things don't get you down. Must be nice. Fuchsia's definitely your color. |
brought to you by interim32. wanna know your livejournal's mood ring
color? enter your username and hit the button.
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Livejournal Mood Ring
riot_girl_2006
is energetic. |
| You've got the energy level of a small yip-yap dog. And, much like those dogs, I hope you get run over by an ice cream truck. Yeah, that's right. I said it. |
brought to you by interim32. wanna know your livejournal's mood ring
color? enter your username and hit the button.
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Livejournal Mood Ring
kingofthenight
is blah. |
| I've met prosthetic legs with more get-up-and-go than you. Could you be less melancholy and go out and do something? |
brought to you by interim32. wanna know your livejournal's mood ring
color? enter your username and hit the button.
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Livejournal Mood Ring
this week has been revenge of the spam
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I am played by the great Sir. Ian..... ya kiddin
Ok, I'm stopping for now. It's just so amusing.
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| Time: | 2:43 am. |
| Mood: |  discontent. | | Music: | Bon Jovi//Livin' on a Prayer. |
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I haven't updated in a while. I need to catch up a lot of things, from RPG Characters to my AP Euro Hist work. I feel very silly for not finishing it by now. See I haven't even started the class yet and I'm already slacking. But I am addicted to I love the 70's. "I didn't watch roots. I didn't want to go to school mad and have to beet up some white people!" *cackles loudly* I'm sorry, but that just cracked me up. I admit to harboring some bitterness after watching Amistad in 7th grade. So kill me. I am only human after all. *looks up at quote and snickers* By the way, if that quote offended anyone, get over yourself. It is all in good fun.
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Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
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| Time: | 2:32 pm. |
| Mood: |  artistic. | | Music: | Amanda Marshall//Everybody's got a Story. |
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this is slowly becoming more and more like my RL Journal. Though it's still not enough of an insight into my life, I am trying. You know, so very much trying. Well, that wasn't articulate. I've been working on expressing myself. I'm not that good at it though. I'd prefer to run from all my problems, whatever ones they are.
So i've been doing some thinking. I've been trying to sort myself out. I'm at a point right now, where I pretty much hate existance the way it is. I've had days when there isn't a single person in the world that I didn't hate, that I wouldn't have given everything I had to see them tossed off a cliff. I've felt that way about everyone I've met one time or another. I do love you all, I really do. It's just that. Sometimes people, sometimes people just piss me off. It's nothing personal to anyone I've ever come across, but just that I have mood swings, and there are times when people are the best thing in the world or the worst.
Everybody feels like that sometimes don't they? Or am I just some twisted person, who has seriously lost her mind. Whatever it is, here's to another day of me being honest.
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Monday, August 18th, 2003
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| Time: | 9:28 pm. |
| Mood: |  confused. | | Music: | For Love or Money 2 on the TV. |
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My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?
*cackle's loudly*
On a deeper note. I am officially a very fucked up person who has done a lot of stuff that I'm not proud off. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop. I mean I know some of it is crazy and pretty self destructive, and a lot of people I know would try to get me help. But I honestly don't want it. I am perfectly under control. Anyway, if no one has noticed, then I'm definetly under control.
Ok, so basically the reason for this is that I don't need anyone to worry about me.
Why in the world am I telling you all this? Well who knows. Use it as you see fit.
Just not against me.
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Sunday, August 17th, 2003
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| Time: | 2:49 pm. |
| Mood: |  hungry. | | Music: | Some Obscure Whoopi Goldberg Movie. |
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*looks amused and annoyed* I am wet. Well I've been swimming so of course I'm wet. I do enjoy swimming though. But I had to get out, because I get swimmers ear. So I'm watching a movie and baking food. Though I know I can't cook very well I can make frozen Pizza. I am the master of frozen pizza. Or atleast I might be when the timer goes off. I'm also sunburned again. I seem to be in a state of eternal sunburn. I also now have swimmers ear. So I'm not going swimming tomorrow. Because it'll just get worse.
We went to the Cheescake Factory for dinner last night. The one at the Inner Harbor. There's also one in White Flint, but the Inner Harbour one is closer.
Ohh, pizza is done according to the timer. *flounces off down the stairs*
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Saturday, August 16th, 2003
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I live in a state of perpetual loneliness. Where I am eternally ignored inside my own head and in the real world. I am beginning to learn what it feels like to be eternally forgotten. So I seem a tad melodramatic again, whatever. I am so tempted to either not continue this entry or block it, or something, but since I promised not to block any entries, what so ever a while back and a few entries ago to be honest, well this is where we see if I'm going to be able to keep my promise.
Here goes. My first attempt at being truely honest. I'm beginning to think things, and not exactly flattering ones about anybody, including myself. Well if that wasn't vague then I don't know what is.
Ok, I'm trying again. Once more this time with feeling.
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... Bugger this isn't going very well is it. *chews bottom lip* *exhales loudly* *cracks knuckles and tries again* Ok, so I've been doing some thinking on myself, you know. I mean what else is one supposed to do when floating about in the water. I wonder what people see me as, and well that leads to not so pleasant thoughts. Because.... well just because. So I've been thinking that, pehaps, well perhaps people don't like me as much as they seem to. Once again that was vague. So, one more time and this time I'm just spitting it out and hitting post and the wibbling in a corner hoping no one actually reads it. View my low self esteem people!
I've been thinking and well I think that I'm the friend, well the friend who people enjoy when she's around but honestly would have had just as much fun if she wasn't there. The one that's easily forgotten. Then when people have to cut down their lists is the first person to go.
I just honestly wrote that didn't I. I think for the first time in oblivion I'm being honest with people....... I feel like the forgottten friend *clicks post then hides*
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| Time: | 1:05 am. |
| Mood: |  sick. | | Music: | Greenday//Time of your Life. |
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So once again I've been doing some thinking. Why? Just because I can thank you very much. Anytime after midnight is my deep thinking time. That's just how it is. I also happen to enjoy my deep thoughts. You all don't have to, but I do. I enjoy them very much, so while sitting here listening to semi-thought provoking music I came up with another deep thought. Well not necessarily deep. But not as shallow as 'ohh my hair smells like flowers.' Which is definetly what I was thinking before my deep thought thinking time. *cries* I can't explain to you my deep thought now though because I'm a bit occupied with being sick. We went out to friday for dinner and I ordered a grilled chicken sandwhich. Now I have food poisoning from the blasted chicken and I am not very pleased with that fact. For it is a really bad feeling and I forgot how bad a feeling it was. So yes, bare with me people while I work out my temporary hate over T.G.I.F. and Chicken of all kinds. Oh bugger I feel ill. Damn. So now I ask WHY ME! I've actually been, well pretty good all week. Pretty nice and happy, no longer self depricating and self destructive. I even did that forgotten algebra nonsense this morning when I woke up. So I did make my sister drag me around the pool while I was sitting in one of those inflatable lounge chairs. Was that really grounds for me to get blasted food poisoning?
blech.
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Friday, August 15th, 2003
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| Time: | 4:50 pm. |
| Mood: | artistic. | | Music: | Third Eye Blind//Danger. |
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Lets see, coffee is the drink of the gods. I mean it really is. I'm listening to the semi-new Third Eye Blind CD. I went out and bought it when I got my paycheck cashed. The Runt, Ryan, and I went to go see swat yesterday after playing around in the pool. I was named Busty La Rue, it was meant to mock me and my flat chested-ness. But I turned it around and made up an entire story behind busty who started out as a prostitute and is now a show girl who dances around singing Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend, and Tango's with her dance partner Dance Whore, (who is ryan) *snort* View my creative prowess.
Anyway, I must again restate that I have the best friends in oblivion, just because I can. I also hope you all know how much I love all of you all. /End Sentimentality
I still need to get my camera for Photo Class. Can anyone reccomend a camera for professional photography?
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| Time: | 1:28 am. |
| Mood: |  cold. | | Music: | Tori Amos//Wednesday. |
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I've been doing some thinking again, not very deep thinking but thinking nonetheless. It centers around power outages and things like that. Coincidences that don't seem to be like coinsidences anymore. Unexplainable things that suddenly have an explanation staring you in the face. It's weird to sit outside on the deck and tan then go back inside into the AC to cool of when I know that a lot of you are without AC and refridgerators and can't cook anything and your food is probably spoiling and everything is probably a lot crazier than they're making it out to be. I mean honestly, how long until the crazy people start to come out of the rigging ((that is a weird way of putting it, out of the rigging)) well till they come and start looting and pillaging. I know they've got cops and stuff, but you only have so many cops and you have more crazy people then good cops, you've even got crazy cops. So I hope everyone is ok. I mean, I don't want anything to happen to anyone, you all are way more than just a friends list to me.
Though for once to end on a happy note, our pool was filled today and even though it was freezing cold and well freezing, as in I was turning blue, it was worth it. Because now I've got a pool, and it's mine, and I can enjoy it until kingdom come, that or until I move out.
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| Time: | 1:11 am. |
| Mood: | busy. | | Music: | Conan on TV. |
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So apparently the power is out. Not here but tons of other places. My heart goes out to whoever is effected. Drink lots of water. I mean a shitload of water.
Actually if your power is out you can't actually read this. Bugger. Oh well. You get my drift.
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Thursday, August 14th, 2003
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( Tomorrow by SR-71 )
This song really makes me think, because I mean who hasn't ever felt like that. It just, I don't know. It's the perfect angst song. "if I was a little younger would I care?" I mean when you're younger you seem to care about everything and as you get older you seem to care about less and less and only about surviving. It reminds me of something winston churchill sayed, "anyone who's not a liberal while young has no morals and anyone who's a liberal when they're old has no brains." It's because we all realize that this isn't Utopia, and it never will be. It's not paradise lost.
I've been re-reading my journal here, I started keeping it in september. I've become someone who most of the times I can be proud of. But at what costs? What have I lost in the process of growing up? And what did I gain? What childish dreams of mine were destroyed? Who did I have to trample to get where I am?
I think that in growing up we loose to much and don't gain enough to replace what we lost. That dreams are shattered to quickly for us to come to grips with their loss. People betray and if you don't lie and cheat a little you are left in the dust of the pack. The only way to get ahead is to knock people down, to trample them and to force them into the sidelines. It shouldn't have to be like that. You know. You shouldn't have to learn to close of your emotions and destroy things that used to have meening to you in order to be sucessful. It shouldn't be that way.
but it is.
is it any wonder why,
the answer keeps me petrified,
is it any wonder why I'm scared
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Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
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| Time: | 4:03 pm. |
| Mood: | confused. | | Music: | Amore(sexo)//Santana and Macy Gray. |
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"I am a victim of my times, a product of my age." - Santana
Aren't we all though. I remember a while ago I promised not to block any entries you know, and to say what I'm feeling. Well, that sort of worked, I don't block what I say anymore, instead I just seem to say less and less. Whenever I do express myself I feel better about it, until I begin to think about people. Especially now that people at school read this. I think that at times it might be to my benefit to sensor myself. From a social standpoint. Because I mean if people knew what I really think about them sometimes.... buh bye friends, hello social outcast.
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.. and I really don't want that. Unless of course people wouldn't mind. But then I know it effects people, because it'd effect me. I wouldn't show it, but it would, and I'd harbor some resentment. I don't want people to resent me more than they already do. So i do try and censor myself.
for my own good.
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happy.
shocked.
pensive.